Promise To Try - A Short Essay on Grief

[TheGoth 698]

When I woke up today, I didn't plan on making this post. I was actually fine. September 9th. My mother's birthday. 

 

She passed away 5 years ago from breast cancer. The time between her diagnosis and dying was 5 months. She had no chance, it was too late and she made her peace with it, refusing chemo and choosing to be at home being administered morphine. 

 

She passed away the morning after my birthday, living just long enough to give me that day. Today, on her birthday, I was fine. But I couldn't stop thinking about Promise To Try. That scene in Truth or Dare where she lay on her mother's grave, talking to her and wondering what she looked like now. And I broke like a piece of glass...

 

And that's how the day kept going. Little by little, the song kept playing in my head..."will she see me cry when I stumble and fall"... And every day I do stumble and fall, but I keep getting up, even when at times I just feel like laying there. "Keep your head held high, ride like the wind, never look behind". And I try to keep going and never dwell on the past. Never feel nostalgic, keep moving forward, never stay one thing too long and never let anyone feel sorry for you. 

 

"Can't kiss her goodbye, but I promise to try". I tell myself I can let go, that I don't need to be comforted by tales of heaven and angels. That I'm ok with death being the end of it will help me find that closure. That I need to let her go. "But it feels like a lie".

 

And it kept playing in my head. Bringing me to tears each time today. Just one song. The power of Madonna's writing and vocal delivery, emoting so much. Intricate simplicity. Grief. A universal feeling we can all understand, but perhaps only mire so with this song if you've experienced losing your mother.

 

I don't need to listen to Madonna's songs everyday. I'm no longer a teenager in the early 90s. I've been there and done all of that. I grew up with her music in the 80s. But I feel I've lived through her music; I've sat on a plane fleeing an abusive situation with "You'll See" playing in mind, giving me the strength I needed. I've left home at an early age with "Oh Father" in my head saying "you can't hurt me now". I've gone place to place trying to find safety with "Drowned World" (travelled round the world, looking for a home). But today, Promise To Try hurt a little more than it usually did.

 

No, I don't need to listen to her music every day. I can go months without playing her songs as I get on with my life. I don't need to do any of those things because I can just think of her songs and I experience them because they've had a lifetime to bury themselves deep within me, waiting for the right moments to burst forward.

 

[RUADJAI 15,947]

It's not easy. My mother died last October way too soon and it takes much much less than anything specific to make me cry at a moments notice. 

I always felt bad for Madonna after learning about her mother dying, but I realize now that I could in no way understand what she really felt. And even now, in my position, I actually still can't understand completely because I had so much more time with my mother than she did. Her loss must feel so much more like something missing, something she never had then something she had, cherished, took for granted at times, and then ultimately lost. 

 

Thanks for sharing

[dens54 329]

reading your post was not easy. I also lost my mother 5 years ago and, of course, Promise To Try talks to me so much more after this... Thank you for your text and sharing with us. you are not alone... and we know that it's hard when our mother is not here anymore to help us when we stumble and fall...

[Voguerista 13,259]

Beautiful beautiful post!! Thank you for it. Like you, "Promise To Try" has been a huge staple emotionally in my Madonna list of faves too. It's one song I've played over and over through out my life after losing someone close. It's started in 1990 when I lost my brother way too young at 26 who use to tease me (in a fun and good way) on Madonna and being a fan. After that...I lost my grandmother (we were so close. She had mad respect for Madonna after taking her to see Evita) and then both parents in the last 8 years. With that said, I'm so very sorry for your loss and all the losses suffered and expressed in this thread so far. I'm so thankful Madonna made "Promise To Try" and the video for it. 

[xavier 5,201]

Very true. I feel you. I too lost my mother to cancer in 2007. I totally related to M and her mother’s death. And of course her music. In fact it was her and others catalogs that help me pull through the tough moments. Another one of M’s I would play often was Inside Of Me. And I can say she truly is, I feel her often. 🌹

[Voguerista 13,259]

There is something about losing a mom that just aches non stop. It gets easier as time goes as you learn to accept that ache, but, sometimes I wake up in the night and the ache is there again full on and the first thing I'll naturally mouth is "Mommmm"!! But, I always take comfort that our journeys are not over and it's "love" we feel. WE WILL SEE OUR LOVED ONES AGAIN ONE DAY!! And it's going to be one hell of a reunion (and an ass chewing too that they left too soon).  

[Andymad 10,771]

I want to hug and embrace you ALL rn 😢❤️

[NRMX 5,647]

I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss, my mother died of lung cancer, and it’s the most devastating terrible saddest thing any son or daughter has to go through

I felt that my connection with the world was severed and the moment my mother died I only thought now I could die too

[Boombox90 4,374]

36 minutes ago, NRMX said:

I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss, my mother died of lung cancer, and it’s the most devastating terrible saddest thing any son or daughter has to go through

I felt that my connection with the world was severed and the moment my mother died I only thought now I could die too

My mom passed away at 52 from lung cancer as well.

It’s tough losing mom.

[NRMX 5,647]

4 minutes ago, Boombox90 said:

My mom passed away at 52 from lung cancer as well.

It’s tough losing mom.

💔 I’m so sorry my dear, it sure is. 

[Would You Like To Try 9,433]

6 minutes ago, Boombox90 said:

My mom passed away at 52 from lung cancer as well.

It’s tough losing mom.

 

43 minutes ago, NRMX said:

I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss, my mother died of lung cancer, and it’s the most devastating terrible saddest thing any son or daughter has to go through

I felt that my connection with the world was severed and the moment my mother died I only thought now I could die too

 

14 hours ago, xavier said:

Very true. I feel you. I too lost my mother to cancer in 2007. I totally related to M and her mother’s death. And of course her music. In fact it was her and others catalogs that help me pull through the tough moments. Another one of M’s I would play often was Inside Of Me. And I can say she truly is, I feel her often. 🌹

 

On 9/9/2024 at 5:38 PM, Voguerista said:

Beautiful beautiful post!! Thank you for it. Like you, "Promise To Try" has been a huge staple emotionally in my Madonna list of faves too. It's one song I've played over and over through out my life after losing someone close. It's started in 1990 when I lost my brother way too young at 26 who use to tease me (in a fun and good way) on Madonna and being a fan. After that...I lost my grandmother (we were so close. She had mad respect for Madonna after taking her to see Evita) and then both parents in the last 8 years. With that said, I'm so very sorry for your loss and all the losses suffered and expressed in this thread so far. I'm so thankful Madonna made "Promise To Try" and the video for it. 

 

On 9/9/2024 at 3:49 PM, RUADJAI said:

It's not easy. My mother died last October way too soon and it takes much much less than anything specific to make me cry at a moments notice. 

I always felt bad for Madonna after learning about her mother dying, but I realize now that I could in no way understand what she really felt. And even now, in my position, I actually still can't understand completely because I had so much more time with my mother than she did. Her loss must feel so much more like something missing, something she never had then something she had, cherished, took for granted at times, and then ultimately lost. 

 

Thanks for sharing

 

On 9/9/2024 at 5:12 PM, dens54 said:

reading your post was not easy. I also lost my mother 5 years ago and, of course, Promise To Try talks to me so much more after this... Thank you for your text and sharing with us. you are not alone... and we know that it's hard when our mother is not here anymore to help us when we stumble and fall...

May your mothers and family who died all rest in peace! Love